Lost

I never expected A levels to be so hard.

It's like no matter how much you study, it's never enough.

Maybe I'm not hardworking enough. Or not smart enough. But all that I know is I don't like what I'm studying right now. And I'm not sure what to do with my life anymore as reality creeps in and plops itself down right in front of me.

In class, I keep slipping off during lectures. Like I'm listening and paying attention then suddenly I get lost while the teacher goes on with the lesson.

I get pressure from the people around me. There are so many extremely smart thinkers around me, and they could understand what the teacher had taught after a lecture while I'm still in the midst of being blur and confused. And I keep wondering why others could do it while I could not. Is it a matter of the ability, or is it just a matter of attitude? We all study the same thing, the same lecturers, the same syllables, but why, why can others excel while I still remain slow and trying hard but in vain to grasp myself to the same level as the others?

And I still don't have a single idea on what I want to pursue in the future.

I just don't know. Maybe I need a longer time to cope with all my burdens.

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

I really don't know. I feel so lost, so freaking lost.

But I know and I'm sure that there's still one thing that will always keep me moving on, even if I can feel my world crashing in. Faith.