I Let Him Go

I did.

We met each other when I was in Form 1 and he was in Form 3. It happened during a Red Crescent camp in school. I was a member and he was an AJK. And the first time he saw me, he was my victim and I was his first aider.

Maybe it was fate. Destiny. Or love at first sight for him.

After camp ended, he added me on Facebook and MSN. He asked me if it was weird to ask for my phone number. Smiling at the other end of MSN, I shook my head and gave it to him. He asked me if it would be weird to buy me souvenirs from Korea which he would be going to for vacation. He didn't know me well, but he wanted to buy me something from far away.

He got me a Korean bookmark and little Korean figurines.

When I was in Form 2, I received my first Valentine's gift. From him. He said he wanted to borrow me his book and asked me to meet him outside the school hall. And when I did, he gave me the book, with a bar of Cadbury beneath it. I love chocolate, and he knew it. My heart was about to explode on the inside while I remained calm and cool on the outside. When I walked away, I couldn't help but let my pumping device flutter in joy.

In Form 3, he gave me a Wimpy Kid story book and a bar of chocolate for Valentines. And on my 15th birthday that year, he organized a surprise birthday party for me. It takes a lot of effort for someone to organize something, you know, especially a party. But he did it anyway for me. He even had his mum bake a birthday cake for me. And he gave me beautiful silver bracelet as a birthday gift in a love-shaped box filled with more than a hundred paper stars he folded himself.

He sacrificed a lot of his precious time for me. Everytime when I had to wait for my parents to come and pick me up from school or something, he waited with me until my car came. Everytime I had to walk to SJK Chung Hua from my school after class ended, he followed me like a bodyguard, even when Christina walked with me. He wanted to protect me, to keep me from harm. He wanted to keep me safe and sound.

He trusted me. No matter what I did, he trusted me real deep. He accepted me for who I was, the girl who seldom replied his messages, the girl who wore saggy clothes, the girl who did not know how to cherish.

There was this one time where I made a deal with him. If he got top 3 in his class, I promised to go out for a movie with him. And he did. He studied real hard and made it there. For that deal which I didn't keep.

After he finished his Form 5, he gave me all his workbooks and reference books which were very useful and helpful. For free. One big box of them. He gave them to me instead of his younger brother. He even bought some from his friends and added them to that box of books.

He was a really nice guy. A guy who was dedicated and committed and kind and...you name it. He treated me like I was the only girl in the world to him. Woah. But I treated him like bullshit. I was wrong. I bailed out. I did not think clearly. I was being freaking stupid.

But when it's all over and the line's drawn with permanent ink, there's nothing else you can do anymore to fix those broken pieces. It's like saying you want to turn back time. But that's impossible.

And all you're left with is regret.

Maybe it was destiny. Maybe it was fate.

Maybe it was a lesson for me to never repeat the same mistake ever again.