What Do I Want To Be In The Future?

It's kind of hard to answer the question above. When people ask me that, I just tell them that I'm not sure. I'm really not sure.

So full of uncertainties as I watch the world spin by.

You see, when I was a kid, I dreamed of being a doctor when I grow up. My mother and my relatives used to keep telling me that I was meant to be one. It was set in my mind that in the future, becoming a doctor is the best thing ever among all other careers which I didn't know about.

My mum bought a toy doctor kit for me for my birthday.

When I got to Form 4 in secondary school, my dream changed. For my first exam on biology, I got 68 marks. It was not that bad...but still, that single paper crushed my ambition of pursuing the medical field. Because in my mind, how can one become a doctor if they suck at biology? One little change can make a big difference. So for Form 4 and Form 5, I did not do well in my biology papers. I literally gave up on biology and worked hard on other subjects. Plus my biology teachers for two years made biology boring. Their lessons never worked their way into my mind in class.

I changed my mind set and my goals into the field of engineering. I started to tell myself that I'm more suitable to become AN ENGINEER. I just talked myself into it. I told all my friends and my family that I am going to be an engineer one day. That I will work with machines. Work with maths. Work with devices. In those two years, Form 4 and Form 5, I would answer people that I will walk into the path of engineering.

Engineering in my mind

But then I realized it's not engineering that I want 100%. I realized that I changed my mindset to engineering because I thought I had no chance in the medical field. I forced myself to believe that engineering is the only road to my success because my physics and addmaths are better than my biology according to my exam results. But being a doctor requires more than biology, it requires compassion, it requires patience, it requires a strong heart. Being an engineer requires more than physics or addmaths, it requires accurate decision-making, it requires careful consideration, it requires leadership. And all of them require PASSION. And I have not truly found mine yet because my passion now is in watching YouTube videos, doodling stuff, reading books, playing the piano...stuff like that.

Anyway I have this thing for autism and schizophrenia in children. I get attracted to videos of autistic and schizophrenic children and watch a lot of these documentaries on YouTube. Here's a video about the world of a schizophrenic child:

I have this new dream of becoming a therapist to help these children but once again I'm not 100% sure.

So all I'll do now is to study hard during my Pre-U course, gain lots of experiences through different people and activities, and most importantly, lay everything in God's hands and trust His plans. I believe that one day, God's calling will awaken me and plant me in the field which God thinks is the best for me so I can grow into a special plant and beautify this world. 

Marvel's Avengers

Or maybe one day I'll become one of the Avengers :P

Quote of the day: I don't know what tomorrow holds, but because I believe in Him, I know who holds tomorrow. ---Nick Vujicic