It's Finally Revealed

After waiting for some time after Petronas Youngstars Day, our results came out on the 25th of April! I had a few problems trying to log in but finally I did and TAAAAAAAAAADDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HERE'S MY RESULT!!!

I failed to obtain the scholarship.

Well, it wasn't exactly a big disappointment for me, cause I'm not 100% sure if I wanted to become an engineer, and I didn't aim for it 100%. But still, I felt kind of sad and happy at the same time. ONCE AGAIN. MIXED FEELINGS.

I was happy because I kind of got an answer from God. Cause some time around the interview I told God that if He wanted me to become a engineer, He'd give me this scholarship (I chose mechanical engineering and chemical engineering during application). And if He has others arrangements for me, then I'd follow His plans. And now He didn't grant me this scholarship, which means He has better things in store for me when I go on with my A-levels in Sunway. And I'm taking Biology. In case God wants me to pursue something else instead of those engineering fields which don't require Biology.

And for the sad part...well, it shows that I didn't do well for the interview. I could not speak as good as others, nor present good points and suggestions to the issue given to me. I showed no leadership skills. I had no abilities in doing those things. No matter how hard I try I still couldn't find that inner confidence hidden somewhere inside of me. Or maybe it isn't there at all. See, I'm doubting myself.

And I feel even sadder when I think of my parents who hope I get this scholarship because being able to graduate and work for Petronas is something many people dream of having. Cause you don't have to spend a cent on the whole journey of education until you graduate (but you have to meet up the requirements) and if you work for Petronas you're gonna be rich. Something like that. It guarantees you a bright future. My parents spent so much money just to get me to Petronas Youngstars Day. Flight tickets. Baju kurung. And their precious time. My aunt even offered to iron my baju kurung for me the night before the big day. Which made me feel guilty for wasting her energy.

But after sometime doing some self-reflecting and inner-pondering, I managed to crawl out of that sadness and believe in that happiness. I took this whole thing as a valuable experience for me to learn from. It taught me that out there, there are lots of people who are better than I am, and lots of people who are better than they are, but everyone has their own special abilities, their own seasons to shine and their own moments of glory. It taught me that academic results don't define everything about a person, and that it takes more than that to achieve something. It taught me that confidence is pretty crucial especially when one speaks. It taught me that it's okay to make mistakes as long as I learn from them. It taught me that my parents really love me and they would do anything for me to ensure that I have a glowing future.

And it taught me to trust God's plans cause God will direct me along the path He knows is the best for me.

"Nevermind!! You know, actually going to college is a good thing too. You can learn and improve yourself on these things and prepare better for the future. We must learn together. All of us have things we need to work on. Behold, our future is bright!!!" ---Kimberley Chew

"NONONONO YOU CAN'T THINK LIKE THIS. Don't zhi bei. Once zhi bei you lose everything." ---Emily Lau